Sunday, August 31, 2008

$10,368 down the tubes. Thanks.

First of all, I want to thank everyone who is clicking the advertisements in the upper right hand corner.  As of right now I am at $26.06!!  PLEASE CONTINUE TO DO IT.  I really appreciate it.  

The following might seem like whining.  I have learned through the medical school process that there are a lot of people and things I am not going to agree with, and most of the time I will just have to suck it up and move on.  I assure you that should the extremely rare instance when I can do something present itself, I will take full advantage of it.  Until then, I will complain to you about it, so just suck it up and move on.

Dear 'raise your hand in lecture' guy,

$60,000, roughly, is what it costs me to go to school (living expenses included in the number) per year. We go to school about 216 weekdays out of the year. That means every day I attend lecture, I pay $0.20 per minute for the WHOLE day. [Keep in mind that I could factor it in per minute, per lecture, and then the amount would be much more.  I could also add more questions, but it is Labor Day weekend and I am feeling nice.]  So, every time YOU raise YOUR hand and make the 'professor' stop the lecture for five minutes so YOU can ask a question or comment on how YOU have seen/experienced/done something pertaining to lecture, it costs me two dollars. 5 minutes for the time wasted in class and five minutes for the time I have to now spend going over the stuff the 'professor' will consequentially not have time to go over. Add in the compounding interest over 8 years and you now owe me $3.00. It happens AT LEAST 8 times a day (2 per lecture). That is $24 per day, multiplied by 432 (two years), and you get a whopping $10,368.  I didn't notice the 'listen to your classmates 8 times a day' loan on my promissory note.  I don't know about other students, but I would much rather a $10,368 check than to listen to YOU interfere with my learning process.  Oh, and my favorite is when YOU have YOUR hand up for a while and then YOU put it down, at which point the 'professor' calls on YOU and YOU say, "actually you just answered my question." Really? Wow, go figure that a 'professor' is going to back up a statement with clear, concise points. Weird. Pretty sure that unless it is immunology, it will make sense at the end of the lecture and if it doesn't, there is always e-mail or office hours.  In fact, YOU could probably pull out YOUR iPhone and send him a message via e-mail right there!  I also like the one where YOU ask a question and the 'professor' says "That is coming up later in the lecture, you are getting ahead of me." Thanks a lot. I was on the edge of my seat wondering what was next and YOU just ruined it.  I actually had a pool ($10 buy-in) going on the next point in the lecture.  Do YOU want to go ahead and tell me what happens at the end of Harry Potter, too? How about YOU tell me what happened in "so you think you can dance" this week, because I need to clear up some room on my TiVo. I just do not get it. 

There are 2 conditions that should elicit YOUR hand going up in the air during lecture:

1) The student next to YOU is having a medical issue and seeing as YOU are not yet a doctor, YOU cannot help him or her. (Unless YOU are a gunner in which case you would start CPR, draw an i.v. line, and continue quietly taking notes)

2) The 'professor' has stated something that is the exact OPPOSITE of what is on the power point slide.

The fact that YOU did some shadowing somewhere where they used drug 'X' on a patient means nothing to me.  Neither does the fact that they had to get peak and trough levels for him.  Yeah I know it is used, I am learning the protocol, that is why the 'professor' is lecturing on it. Here is a novel idea.  Since YOU are taking a copious amount of notes, why don't YOU continue the trend and WRITE DOWN YOUR QUESTIONS and then E-MAIL THEM TO THE PROFESSOR. It drives me nuts. I have questions during class. Everyone does. I, however, respect everyone who does not have that exact question enough not to disrupt the class. Look, I could have asked "so, what was the antimicrobial solution that the Orthopedic doctor in Germany that I was shadowing squirted in the patient's hip, while doing a metal on metal chromium-cobalt total hip arthroplasty? Oh, by the way, I was holding the leg and some tools and it was so awesome and I am totally sweet and I did things no one else has...etc.etc."   That would not serve in the productivity of the lecture. Save YOUR stories or questions for someone else's borrowed money.  I am a nice guy, but not when you steal from me.  I will remember you when I am forking over an extra $100 per month for ten years to pay your 'question asking' loan.

Everyone else

p.s.  Can you tutor me in immunology?


  1. Another LOL. When I come home from work and hear that "the gunner" has a new post, I smile. I know it's going to be more entertainment........for free. So much fun to read about EXACTLY how I felt about med school 25 years ago. The immunology professor we had @ UCX.....very knowledgeable, very sincere, nice nice person.....couldn't teach worth a crap. Would be hilarious if not so expensive. This blog tugs at my heart. But by what I'm reading, I know the composer "gets it". I know the crafter of this blog is going to be HIGHLY many respects.

  2. I suggest Student Sounding Meters. For every "gunner" who loves the sound of his/her voice, CHARGE 'EM! This is a solution that my hometown has instituted to eliminate panhandling: parking meters for the right to park your car and other (far more decorative) parking meters to help those less fortunate, so that they will hopefully be discouraged from panhandling and you will be discouraged from facilitating them in unhealthy practices.

    So, here's the idea: Red (of course) Student Sounding Meters, creatively adorned with medical items of interest (prolapses of various sorts?) Hey, maybe you could charge an entry fee and make it competitive for them and lucrative for you! Anyway, all proceeds to be divided at the end of the class/week among those respectful enough of their fellow students to stay silent by asking themselves, "Is my question REALLY worth taking class time?" Consider it the "MED SCHOOL GREEN SOLUTION," equivalent to, "Do I REALLY need to print every inane e-mail that comes my way?" Think of the benefits to Global Warming.

    P.S. Recently, I heard that we're a NATION of whiners, so I wouldn't worry about a bit of healthy venting on your part! Keeps all of us sane and me entertained! Thanks for the coffee break...

  3. Hey buddy,

    I just thought that you should know that I could give you some of the money I didn't get tipped from a certain family. They had an almost $400,000 bill and didn't leave us a dime! If you can somehow pay off the student loans with a cigar filled smile and a greasy handshake, then I have plenty for ya!