Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Ode to 'Shout out the answer to the histology slides before anyone else can think guy'

Dear 'Shout out the answer to the histology slides before anyone can think guy'

Congratulations are in order, fine sir. If this were a race, you would have more golds than Michael Phelps. With utter disregard for your fellow classmates, and the speed of Usain Bolt, you shout out what you think is the answer to every histology slide before any of our eyes can bring the image into focus. Even though you are wrong 80% of the time, you make sure none of us have a chance to answer. I can just see it now:

Patient:  "Hi doctor, I think I-"
You:  "Mesenchymal!!!"
Patient:  "What?  No, I need-"
You:  "Dextrocardia!"
Patient:  "No, you aren't-"
You:  "Collagen!!"
Patient:  "I don't underst-"
You:  "Simple cuboidal!!"
Patient:  "...."
You:  "Nodes of ranvier!!!!!!"
Patient:  "I am going to 'raise your hand in lecture guy', at least he talks to me"

Forget using the voice in your head to answer, you choose to use your monster truck ralley voice to provide us with what you think is amazing tissue recognition. Forget if you don't get it right the first time, because one of the next 6 names you yell out are bound to be right. My half-head turns with a rear glance do no good in persuading you to keep quiet, for you seem to have no social barometer that tells you when enough is enough. In fact, you take my half-head turns with a rear glance as a sign of encouragement and keep on going FOR ALL 80 SLIDES! 

I'm about to count out this bucket of loose change, you want to start yelling random numbers in my head while I do it, because that's what this is like.  "17, 32, 45, 98!!"  You are the marathon runner of the lecture and you always bring your A-game. Brett Farve couldn't beat your consistency, which is why I salute you!  (I would give you a high-five, but I am afraid you might talk loudly to me in the library. That's embarrassing, too.)

p.s. Say hi to your friends for me.  You know, 'Drop the f-bombs in front of the kids guy' and 'Kick my seat in the movie theater guy' and 'Rest your car door on mine guy' and 'Talk on your cell phone at socially awkward times guy' and 'Rush to the front of a new line at the grocery store even though you are last in this line guy'. 


  1. Reminds me of the person who sings louder than the rock star we've paid to see...missing most of the timing and lyrics!

    Maybe he could use his vast knowledge to tutor you in immunology.

    Then again, maybe a full head turn and a ticket to the gun show might slow his roll.

    As long as you still see the humor, you're on the right track...and if you need a laugh, think of Sara Palin hunting Osama to the gates of hell.

  2. Avi,
    I always thought you were a little tightly wound, but damn son, you are going drive yourself nuts if try to calculate how much every tool costs you to raise his hand in class. Wu saa!! Be the bamboo bend, but do not break.

    The Oracle Has Spoken

    P.S. Baldy Misses You and the new Verspy era has begun. Murf and Vespy on the night shift. Sweet Bro.

  3. I don't care what your professors say, laughter is STILL the best medicine.
    Thank you, doc, for the regular dose. You are good at this!

  4. LOVE THIS!!! I almost DIED laughing when I read this. Apparently what we like to call "Academic Tourette's Syndrome" is a problem of medical schools across the world. We must find a cure!!