Monday, March 30, 2009

Curtain Call

Just got back from spring break. It was much needed and it was used well. I was sincerely dreading the flights though. I used some flight miles I had accumulated and well, they were hard to redeem. I was given a 13 hour travel time one way and another 15 hours returning. The only good part was that for 50% of the flights I had first class. Actually for all of the flights where first class was available, I got it. It was not by choice, but rather by default, but I didn't let anyone know about that. In fact, as soon as I was so graciously allowed to board the plane before the other worldly peons, and made it to my plush seat, I pulled out my laptop and pretended to be on my cell phone on some important business call. I wanted people to believe that I belonged there. I would randomly use words like resource constrained, cash-neutral, interim review, vision statement, and cost-effective. I wanted people to believe I was making money RIGHT THERE on the plane! First leg we were offered some all-you-can-eat snacks and I ate well. It was ok though because on my next layover, I had 8 hours to digest my tasty treats and get ready for the next feeding. Next flight, I was offered a meal. Even the way "ham and cheese on marble rye" rolled off the flight attendant's tongue made it sound luxurious. And you might stick up your nose at airplane food, but not I. In fact, I looooooove airplane food. It had been a while since I had a meal, and I am not sure what makes it taste sooooo good. Well what's better than one ham and cheese on marble rye? Two ham and cheese on marble rye's! Oh yeah, I made a quick lunch room trade (a sammy for a bowl of fruit) with the older gentleman next to me and didn't even have to use any jedi mind tricks to execute it...he wanted the fruit!! I felt like the Kansas City Chiefs after that one-sided trade with the Patriots. Like the US after the Louisiana purchase. Hey, $205,000,000 (after inflation) couldn't even touch the national debt today, but it could buy 1/3 of America. So what if it is the crappiest parts. So the third and final first class leg I got to enjoy was another accident. I wasn't supposed to get home until 9:45pm, but I offered to give up my seat in exchange for $300 voucher, a first class seat AND I got to arrive at 7:30pm instead. They even gave us warm towels to wipe our first-class hands clean before you stuffed our faces yet again. I have to say that despite the 2nd class passengers using our bathroom up front and one person storing their bags in our overhead compartments, I loved the second flight....especially when the flight attendant closed the curtains (ahhh now I can finally rest)! And next time, I am keeping the cloth napkins we a souvenir. Now it's back to the grind.

Friday, March 13, 2009

The big push

Well, I will tell you the reason for my lack of postings.  Nothing new is happening.  At first I was able to make fun introduce you to many classmates of mine, but there are only so many characters.  My day is pretty much filled with diarrhea (which I now know how to spell) constipation, vomit and everything from the mouth to the anus.  Add in a few labs and standardized patient interviews and the mandatory daily work out and you have my life.

GI section is coming to an end (Double entendre alert) and I am pretty sure I have palpated my stomach at least a dozen times this week...just to check the piping.  (No digits were involved though so don't even ask).  The GI section can be summed up in a few words.  Either you can go or you can't.  If you can, check it for blood and worms.  Either you are throwing up or you aren't.  Check it for food and blood.  Done!  Oh, and I now urge you to start checking your stools.  I know it is not fun, but if you never check it, you will not necessarily know when something is wrong until it is too late.  That should be a GI Joe public service announcement.  It would read something like this:
Kid #1:  Hey tommy, you hungry?
Tommy:  Nahhhh!
Kid #1:  Why not, it's your favorite, raw hamburger meat!
Tommy:  I know, it's just that I don't feel quite right.
Kid#1:  What do you mean.
Tommy:  My tummy feels like it is liquid.
Kid#1:  So, eat then.
Tommy:  Every time I eat, it goes through me like OJ through a murder trial.
Kid#1:  How does your food lie?
Tommy:  No, not like that, just really fast and without much difficulty.
Random adult who shouldn't be around kids:  Hey kids, what seems to be the problem?
Tommy:  I have been going to the bathroom a lot and it is very runny.
Random adult who shouldn't be around kids:  Did you notice anything weird about the poop, like color, how often you have been going, how long it has been going on and any other symptoms?
Tommy:  Well, no.
Random adult who shouldn't be around kids:  Well, Tommy, it is always good to check your stools.
Tommy:  My dad has a lot of stools in his work shop at home.
Random adult who shouldn't be around kids:  Hahahaha, not those kind of stools Tommy, the poop kind.
Tommy:  Oh, I get it.  Say, how do you know so much about that stuff?
Random adult who shouldn't be around kids:  Well, they don't call me GI for nothing!!!  Seriously kids, look at your poop every time you go, that way you know if you got worms, bacteria, or just good old rectal bleeding!

"GI Joe!  Now you know, and knowing is half the battle!"

Oh, and I know the answer to the following question that may come up on rotations:
"Hey The Week, you want to untangle this volvulus???"
Response = "Nah, I'm good."

One week until spring break...