Friday, March 13, 2009

The big push

Well, I will tell you the reason for my lack of postings.  Nothing new is happening.  At first I was able to make fun introduce you to many classmates of mine, but there are only so many characters.  My day is pretty much filled with diarrhea (which I now know how to spell) constipation, vomit and everything from the mouth to the anus.  Add in a few labs and standardized patient interviews and the mandatory daily work out and you have my life.

GI section is coming to an end (Double entendre alert) and I am pretty sure I have palpated my stomach at least a dozen times this week...just to check the piping.  (No digits were involved though so don't even ask).  The GI section can be summed up in a few words.  Either you can go or you can't.  If you can, check it for blood and worms.  Either you are throwing up or you aren't.  Check it for food and blood.  Done!  Oh, and I now urge you to start checking your stools.  I know it is not fun, but if you never check it, you will not necessarily know when something is wrong until it is too late.  That should be a GI Joe public service announcement.  It would read something like this:
Kid #1:  Hey tommy, you hungry?
Tommy:  Nahhhh!
Kid #1:  Why not, it's your favorite, raw hamburger meat!
Tommy:  I know, it's just that I don't feel quite right.
Kid#1:  What do you mean.
Tommy:  My tummy feels like it is liquid.
Kid#1:  So, eat then.
Tommy:  Every time I eat, it goes through me like OJ through a murder trial.
Kid#1:  How does your food lie?
Tommy:  No, not like that, just really fast and without much difficulty.
Random adult who shouldn't be around kids:  Hey kids, what seems to be the problem?
Tommy:  I have been going to the bathroom a lot and it is very runny.
Random adult who shouldn't be around kids:  Did you notice anything weird about the poop, like color, how often you have been going, how long it has been going on and any other symptoms?
Tommy:  Well, no.
Random adult who shouldn't be around kids:  Well, Tommy, it is always good to check your stools.
Tommy:  My dad has a lot of stools in his work shop at home.
Random adult who shouldn't be around kids:  Hahahaha, not those kind of stools Tommy, the poop kind.
Tommy:  Oh, I get it.  Say, how do you know so much about that stuff?
Random adult who shouldn't be around kids:  Well, they don't call me GI for nothing!!!  Seriously kids, look at your poop every time you go, that way you know if you got worms, bacteria, or just good old rectal bleeding!

"GI Joe!  Now you know, and knowing is half the battle!"

Oh, and I know the answer to the following question that may come up on rotations:
"Hey The Week, you want to untangle this volvulus???"
Response = "Nah, I'm good."

One week until spring break...


  1. I guess once you have had children and you have cleaned up MORE than your fair share of poop of every size, shape and form--and from every crevice of the house AND their body--well, nothing shakes your stomach anymore.
    There's nothing like 'catching' a kids vomit in your hands (so it doesn't get hit the floor in Nordstrom) to completely make you immune to gagging yourself.
    Yep, raising kids sounds very much like med school! Wish I'd known this earlier...I'd be making a little more money now--maybe even driving a Volvulus...
    Hope all is well TL

  2. I want you to know that I am restraining myself by only mentioning a few of my favorite GI-related thoughts: the "aroma therapy" benefits of inhaling fumes from human excrement on a 2nd class seat on an Egyptian train, the ruling planet for those born in February (although scientists have been trying to change its if!), and, my favorite medical term, "stool sample." (Sort of reminds me of a trip to See's!)
    Remember to wash your hands like a Gunner, and don't forget to mouth-breathe...or does that result in some other dreaded condition like non-masticating lingual herniations? You neglected to report on chortling over every male's favorite topic: "Pull my finger!" Or does that translate in medical verbiage to something about a digit?

    P.S. I've noticed that most of the ads accompanying your latest entries are from lawyers! Hmmm.