How does it taste?

I am so sick of the word 'boards' I could puke. USMLE this, boards that, First Aid, etc. Med students have the tendancy of incessantly harping on one topic after another. It's like the flavor of the week. You want to know who bought pogs, pokemon cards, magic cards, yoyos, silly bandz and whatever else the middle school craze is? Future med students.

So let's get to the meaning of the title, the meat and potatoes if you will. Get it? I used a title referring to eating and then used 'meat and potatoes' to refer to it. Get it? Unfortunately what I am asking is how socialized medicine tastes. You know, the health care is a right not a privilege mantra. What's that you say? Obama-care hasn't started yet? Hmmmmmm.....Imagine the following interaction:

Week: Want some bread?

You: It has been in the pantry a long time, how does it look?

Week: Looks ok.

You take a big bite and start chewing...

Week: Ooops, I don't think I quite looked over it as best I could, there is a spot. I am sorry, I shouldn't have just assumed it was ok by looking at only one side of it. It doesn't seem to have spread to the area where your piece is from, but there is mold on the loaf, look.

I flip over the loaf and there, almost mocking you, is a dark green and white mold spot...
You, being the clever person you are realize that mold is microscopic and the fact that it is visible tells you the mold has spread and affected every piece of the loaf...You now have the option. If you are me, you go by taste and smell. I would keep eating. However, you have the option of spitting it out or swallowing. As you spit it out (you softie, you) you say you wish you had a crystal ball to see how it would have ended up if you kept chewing. Would you have puked, had diarrhea or died? Too bad you don't have that crystal ball...

Now imagine I forced you to eat it. It looks ok, but you aren't to sure. But as I am forcing you to eat it I am assuring you that it will be ok. Do you trust me? Did I meticulously look at every part of that bread to assure it was mold free? Could I possibly look at every square millimeter? Would it be ok if you just got a little sick? What about if you died?

Now imagine that the loaf of bread represents Obama-care. The loaf may look good, even perfect to some, but is it? While we may not have the choice, do you want to eat it? Should we take some time to thoroughly look it over? It may be one of the most important loafs of bread we consume. If only we had the crystal balls.............

Crystal Ball #1
Crystal Ball #2

Doesn't look so good does it, eh?

Can't see, Can't (stop) Pee, Can't Climb a Tree

No, I don't have Reiter's. Let me explain...

How do you do it? Those of you who spend your work day shopping being productive in front of a computer. My 20/10 vision is in serious jeopardy as I have spent the last 2 months in front of a computer for 13 hours per day. Might as well be staring at a light bulb. Plus the screen was greasy and blurry from all the first-years putting their grubby mitts on it so everything was out of focus. My eyes are slowly regaining their strength, but spending that much time in front of a screen seems unhealthy for my eyes. Hey, maybe all those people who have the screen darkeners are ahead of the curve, just like Shape-Ups, Toddler Leashes and SARS masks. I am seriously surprised no one has won a lawsuit over getting hazard pay for computer work. Not that I would have their back on that one, I am just surprised no one has try to sue. Hey, maybe the next watered down computer Steve Jobs waves in front of your face and convinces you that you need will have some high tech screen that won't hurt your eyes. Seriously, have you watched the videos of him at conferences? I am convinced he could pull one of those old car phones out of a box and everyone would cheer and yell like he just cured cancer. They are programmed to do that. The press kisses Jobs' ass worse than a plastic surgery gunner. Maybe they are afraid he will unleash a police raid on them like he did this guy. What can the iPad do that other computers can't? I love my mac and avoid PC's like I do other med students, but I still don't need another $500 piece of equipment just because I want to flick not click through my pictures. Besides, they are way to secretive about their products and leave too many questions. Dude is like a walking Lost episode.

I have consumed more coffee in the past 8 weeks than the rest of my life combined. The day I took my boards, I got a computer with a very sensitive mouse. Shaky Hands + Coffee makes clicking answers Carnival-Game-Hard. I was waiting for the balloon to inflate or a carney to pop out and convince me I needed to upgrade to a bigger stuffed animal. Felt like I had to pee every 5 minutes for a few days after the test. I don't know how you religious coffee drinkers get any work done. Maybe that's the point, always going to the bathroom to shop on your iPhone and update your facebook pee. Didn't get any withdrawal headaches so I must not have used for long enough.

My wrist hurts. I never thought I would say this, but I think I had the beginnings of carpal tunnel syndrome. I feel like I need a wrist brace next time I go bowling. What exactly do the bowler wrist braces do? Anyways, about week 5 of my 8 week final push I started having wrist pain and a little numbness. So I switched the buttons on the mouse and used my left hand. I almost filed workers' comp, but that only works if you are making money. Day of the test, my forearm was all tight. Kind of pathetic when you think about it, not to mention the risk of a DVT from all that sitting. Seriously, med school is dangerous. Compound that with a school in the ghetto and it makes for an episode comparable to Deadliest Catch.

I've got a few weeks before I start the circus that will be rotations. Can't wait to tell you some of the stories. I know there will be some gems from some of my colleagues' mouths as well as some patients. I can just see it now, med student answering a question the resident couldn't, the brown-nosing, the putting down/proving wrong other fellow med students. I just need to remember to take deep breaths and remember I have a fragile wrist from boards studying...

Boo Hoo!!

Overheard today during the 40 minute break I had halfway through my 8 hour licensing exam at the local testing center.

Non-Med Student "How long is my test?"

Test Center Rep "1 to 2 and a half hours."

Non-Med Student "Awww you're shi**ing me."

Let's say it all together...."Awwwwwwww boo hoo."

Updates next week. I promise...